As WOMAN DAY has just come to an end in our beautiful country South Africa, it seemed only apt to highlight these powerful beings and celebrate those who have learned to love themselves, and those who are still learning this fine and important art. YES, YOU are everything and more.
Learning to love YOU
I am driven to write this seemingly obvious blog, not so much about women and their success in life but rather a celebration for the women out there that are lost in their ‘roles’ of womanhood. Now, possibly this could be a blog about men too, for I do not feel that what I am about to write is specifically for women only, but it was highlighted in my mind at this time of year with it being Women’s month.
Personally, I feel that we are born with a knowingness of why we are here. My nature as it is, is a seeker, I am consistently seeking to understand what and why we live as we do and how we do what we do. I grew up in a staunch, STRICT home, asking no questions and telling no lies, but my Father simultaneously expected us to have an extremely open mind. This confused me and slowly I developed a silent inspired dissatisfaction, knowing that life is more than JUST growing old, consistently looking forward to holidays. I could ashamedly say I spent close on 40 odd years of my life keeping my opinion to myself once too often, thinking that this was the polite thing to do. With this in mind, I was fortunate enough to read a meaningful discussion, which was profound in every possible way, it led me to a greater understanding of how wrong I was about keeping my opinion to myself, it made me understand that finding my voice was not enough, USING IT was where the magic was. Part of the discussion I read left its mark forever on my soul, my interpretation was truly a light bulb, slap-my-forehead, tears to my eyes situation, simple as it may seem, it was massive to me; what I understood was as follows – we as humans are a creative expression on earth – I could think of nothing more beautiful and for an instant EVERYTHING STOOD STILL – I could literally, physically feel my shoulders relax.
If I embrace that I am a creative expression on this planet, it kinda opens up many pleasurable doors and shuts a couple of unwanted ones instantly.
Really, think about the simplicity of this statement.
‘I AMa creative expression‘ – anyone
Oh, my word, I can think of the realists reading this and plutzing around about now! [I still love you by the way as it takes all types to make the world go round] – yes, many would say “nothing is that simple!!”, I ask, “WHY NOT?“. And for those that do say that nothing is that simple, I challenge you, truly, how SATISFIED are you? How at ease are you? How much love do you feel within, not for someone close to you but for YOUR SOUL and where you are in life WITHOUT the title? I have had the honor and privilege of meeting and working with people, specifically woman who once stripped of the title of Mom, wife, CEO, sister, daughter, boss-babe, they then question “WHAT then?” and for that reason I say, PLEASE... pull it back, reflect on your inner soul, own your space, your fingerprint, your inner core, STOP looking for YOUR shortcomings, mistakes, inadequacies, RATHER celebrate yourself as a perfect creative expression. You see, once you do this, adding the ‘title’ of Mom, wife or Boss-babe does become a delightful frill, something beautiful and meaningful.
If however we do not know of our own beauty within, our own creative expression as souls on this planet, then no matter what frill we add, when it disappears, as it can, [my label/frill as Wife disappeared instantly one miserable day and I was left seemingly soulless not knowing how to identify with who and what I am], we flounder not necessarily knowing ‘where to from here’. I am fortunate for having marvelous influences in my life after my divorce, not only for some amazing men and women who were fantastic mentors, with who I surrounded myself with, but also what I was reading and listening to, this helped me open up the realization, acceptance, and knowingness that I could literally strip myself of every frill, title, and classification and STILL be BLOODY MARVELOUS REGARDLESS. I had reached a point of EASE INTERNALLY, my soul felt joy, a quiet peaceful humMMMMMMMMM. Let me take this time to state that by NO MEANS AM I OR WAS I in a perfect state of being, I consistently battle weight awareness, I am a single mom of 2 gorgeous children, this, of course, can come with its challenges, I am a business owner, these are the frills, BUT… WITH or WITHOUT these frills, I AM AT EASE knowing that all is and will always be GREAT. I choose that. I am and was done with self-checking, self-judgment, dis -ease within, wondering what I could do, say, be, live better… I chose ease. Maybe that is the secret to all of life, that simple statement because with it comes empowerment, with it comes removal of any possible victimhood or blame. A beautiful self-acceptance. Let me add here, this is NOT SETTLING, this is breathing, deeply, sucking in all of life and living it.
If there is one thing I would love my daughter to have on this Womens day, it is that understanding, ownership, and acceptance of self as an individual with the ability to CHOOSE. To chose life not based on the title which comes with it but rather to choose a life based on being a creative expression, for with that comes perfection, following of her bliss, and living a life of passion in a meaningful and significan way.
That being said, Women, where art thou? Be OK with being you, not just saying “I am OK with being me” but earnestly feeling marvelous with being YOU. Feeling at ease, making your choices based on YOU, and living a life with the knowledge that YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND MORE. Can you imagine waking up every day not wandering what mold you need to fit into today, yes, even if you do a 9 to 5 job or have to rush around with children, imagine KNOWING that it is ok to just be YOU? At ease and flourishing with just BEING. Knowing that every single breath, every movement, every thought, decision, and action is a perfect CREATIVE expression of YOU – and for that reason, IT IS PERFECT.
I wish for you to embrace the understanding that you are everything and more.
I remember as a child, I truly felt that love made the world go round (do check my previous post), and my greatest wish was to hear from somebody, anybody that I was everything and more… not just enough, now, I don’t think that I am strange or unusual – though some may, in fact, classify me as the unusual which I will embrace any day – I do think that being told that as an individual allows a warm fuzzy feeling to settle over your heart.
Progress a few years down the line, I read so often how self-esteem issues are primary causes of heartache and despair and I had to pause and reflect to determine if this societal outbreak was in my camp too. Quite honestly, I had my fair share of heartache and despair…
My plan of action was as follows, I slowly started taking more notice of the voice in my head and the messages I was hearing, please note I do not have split personalities, I am however investigative and am very good at being self aware when required. Now, on a daily basis I have always classified myself as optimistic, but then I paused and started listening, carefully to that inner voice… and my word, I needed a new voice! With that in mind, I set out on the “Positive Mental Diet“, a thought process discussed in great detail by people such as Neville Goddard, Brian Tracey to mention a few. If every you have been on a physical diet, I can say, that is EASY in comparison to this little puppy. I have not only done it once but a couple of times in my life, in fact I motivate many to do it as it is truly one way of not just feeling enough as an individual but everything and more.
This is the process:
Firstly: what is negative to ensure clarity? Any thought, action, or out loud verbal grunt groan complaint or gossiping is classified as negative. If you dwell, think, act on negativity such as failure, a bad smell in the air, criticism just received, envy or condemn yourself or another person, that is negative. Basically, bite your tongue, thoughts and nerve endings.
1. Go easy on yourself, first spend a couple of days, one week would be best to take note of that little inner voice, distance yourself, be honest about it and try catch yourself out, for like me, you may say, “I don’t struggle with negative thoughts, I think only highly of myself…” , do test this thought for the next week.
2. Prepare, I found placing little positive symbols everywhere helped, in my vehicle, my bathroom, my laptop, my kettle and on my fridge, place it where you move, what is interesting there is that it becomes amazing conversation starters as everyone wants to know what this is as after all, it is everywhere. Now you can explain to them how you are driving yourself past just being enough to someone who realises they are everything and more… [what self-esteem issues???]
3. The day you start on this diet, decide length of time, most people are truly courageous and start on 7 days. Wake up on your start day and utter these words FIRST: “Thank you” and “This is going to be a great day and I am the luckiest person alive today!” now just by typing that I felt AMAZING. Try saying it out loud!
4. There are some rules to these 7 days, please do not dwell on negative thoughts, you may acknowledge it but flip it over the minute it enters. Make it playful, inform your family that you are doing this and make it their objective (by the way children love this) to catch you out on a negative utterance. Oh, I forgot to mention, it is not just thoughts, it is the spoken word and actions too! Sounds impossible right?
5. If for some reason Day 1 don’t go so well, and you are ready to burn the wagon, take heart, some people don’t get past the first 5 minutes. It is however the greatest mind process you will take on in your life and worth every effort. Helpful tip: start noticing amazing things, start counting your blessing, notice the clear blue sky, the wonderful sunset, the friendly smile of a passer by, immediately the world starts behaving a bit more positively and conspires to keep good things coming your way. [If this sounds remotely like laws of the mind, it is and it helps to understand them – another topic for another day]
6. This is going to be difficult, and remember this, when we start to feel discomfort at our own thoughts, emotions out play logic by a mile, your mind WILL start advising you that you are wasting your time, it will drive you towards the negative – for old times’ sake, it may even ask you to say something mean or gossip. At this point, carry a little A6 booklet, or take out your mobile, start a Gratitude diary and put down a couple of items to be grateful for, that shuts up the negative committee in your head within a sentence or two.
7. Let us discuss another rule, if you have blundered your way through a day, and note, did not take my advice on starting a gratitude journal or put your sticky positive signs everywhere, well, no stress, you need to start again on Day 1:). You may just take my advice to heart if you reach attempt number 2.
8. You may see this as an impossible task, it may just be, but do attempt it. Get the family involved, each morning to this day, as I drive my children to school or we eat breakfast together, we share out loud 3 gratitude’s each to start our day and I immediately have a great start to my day as they have to theirs.
9. Do not attempt to control your thoughts (we make them 7 seconds before we act on them in any event) just acknowledge them and let them pass or flip them to positive thoughts. Do not attempt to control people and situations around you (or, if you do get that right, DO let me know as that would be AWESOME), remind yourself you chose what you mentally accept and if there is poor behaviour which drives you to the negative try remove yourself from the conversation or work in the space of breathing through it focusing on the positive – if you can bring out the gratitude journal.
10. Finally, keep in mind that we are energy beings, what we push out we generally attract, some people are of the mind that the best way to do this diet is to tell no one that you are doing it, if you have a great group of friends and colleagues it could be fantastic to share it with them. If however you feel challenged in your environment it may be better to keep it close to your heart. What ever your choice may be, I find that the Universe reacts to me as I react to it.
One thing I can say, this is a thought provoking journey, on completion of this, you will be at a greater peace within yourself, without the feeling of self-esteem issues, the best gift in life is to realize that you are everything and more and this can be done and helped along by the 7 day Positive Mental Diet!
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