Woman, where art thou?

Woman, where art thou?

As WOMAN DAY has just come to an end in our beautiful country South Africa, it seemed only apt to highlight these powerful beings and celebrate those who have learned to love themselves, and those who are still learning this fine and important art. YES, YOU are everything and more.

Learning to love YOU

I am driven to write this seemingly obvious blog, not so much about women and their success in life but rather a celebration for the women out there that are lost in their ‘roles’ of womanhood. Now, possibly this could be a blog about men too, for I do not feel that what I am about to write is specifically for women only, but it was highlighted in my mind at this time of year with it being Women’s month.

Personally, I feel that we are born with a knowingness of why we are here. My nature as it is, is a seeker, I am consistently seeking to understand what and why we live as we do and how we do what we do. I grew up in a staunch, STRICT home, asking no questions and telling no lies, but my Father simultaneously expected us to have an extremely open mind. This confused me and slowly I developed a silent inspired dissatisfaction, knowing that life is more than JUST growing old, consistently looking forward to holidays. I could ashamedly say I spent close on 40 odd years of my life keeping my opinion to myself once too often, thinking that this was the polite thing to do. With this in mind, I was fortunate enough to read a meaningful discussion, which was profound in every possible way, it led me to a greater understanding of how wrong I was about keeping my opinion to myself, it made me understand that finding my voice was not enough, USING IT was where the magic was. Part of the discussion I read left its mark forever on my soul, my interpretation was truly a light bulb, slap-my-forehead, tears to my eyes situation, simple as it may seem, it was massive to me; what I understood was as follows – we as humans are a creative expression on earth – I could think of nothing more beautiful and for an instant EVERYTHING STOOD STILL – I could literally, physically feel my shoulders relax.

If I embrace that I am a creative expression on this planet, it kinda opens up many pleasurable doors and shuts a couple of unwanted ones instantly.

Really, think about the simplicity of this statement.

I AM a creative expression
– anyone

Oh, my word, I can think of the realists reading this and plutzing around about now! [I still love you by the way as it takes all types to make the world go round] – yes, many would say “nothing is that simple!!”, I ask, “WHY NOT?“. And for those that do say that nothing is that simple, I challenge you, truly, how SATISFIED are you? How at ease are you? How much love do you feel within, not for someone close to you but for YOUR SOUL and where you are in life WITHOUT the title? I have had the honor and privilege of meeting and working with people, specifically woman who once stripped of the title of Mom, wife, CEO, sister, daughter, boss-babe, they then question “WHAT then?” and for that reason I say, PLEASE... pull it back, reflect on your inner soul, own your space, your fingerprint, your inner core, STOP looking for YOUR shortcomings, mistakes, inadequacies, RATHER celebrate yourself as a perfect creative expression. You see, once you do this, adding the ‘title’ of Mom, wife or Boss-babe does become a delightful frill, something beautiful and meaningful.

If however we do not know of our own beauty within, our own creative expression as souls on this planet, then no matter what frill we add, when it disappears, as it can, [my label/frill as Wife disappeared instantly one miserable day and I was left seemingly soulless not knowing how to identify with who and what I am], we flounder not necessarily knowing ‘where to from here’. I am fortunate for having marvelous influences in my life after my divorce, not only for some amazing men and women who were fantastic mentors, with who I surrounded myself with, but also what I was reading and listening to, this helped me open up the realization, acceptance, and knowingness that I could literally strip myself of every frill, title, and classification and STILL be BLOODY MARVELOUS REGARDLESS. I had reached a point of EASE INTERNALLY, my soul felt joy, a quiet peaceful humMMMMMMMMM. Let me take this time to state that by NO MEANS AM I OR WAS I in a perfect state of being, I consistently battle weight awareness, I am a single mom of 2 gorgeous children, this, of course, can come with its challenges, I am a business owner, these are the frills, BUT… WITH or WITHOUT these frills, I AM AT EASE knowing that all is and will always be GREAT. I choose that. I am and was done with self-checking, self-judgment, dis -ease within, wondering what I could do, say, be, live better… I chose ease. Maybe that is the secret to all of life, that simple statement because with it comes empowerment, with it comes removal of any possible victimhood or blame. A beautiful self-acceptance. Let me add here, this is NOT SETTLING, this is breathing, deeply, sucking in all of life and living it.

If there is one thing I would love my daughter to have on this Womens day, it is that understanding, ownership, and acceptance of self as an individual with the ability to CHOOSE. To chose life not based on the title which comes with it but rather to choose a life based on being a creative expression, for with that comes perfection, following of her bliss, and living a life of passion in a meaningful and significan way.

That being said, Women, where art thou? Be OK with being you, not just saying “I am OK with being me” but earnestly feeling marvelous with being YOU. Feeling at ease, making your choices based on YOU, and living a life with the knowledge that YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND MORE. Can you imagine waking up every day not wandering what mold you need to fit into today, yes, even if you do a 9 to 5 job or have to rush around with children, imagine KNOWING that it is ok to just be YOU? At ease and flourishing with just BEING. Knowing that every single breath, every movement, every thought, decision, and action is a perfect CREATIVE expression of YOU – and for that reason, IT IS PERFECT.

In search of a fat loss diet? Enter Google toilet…

In search of a fat loss diet? Enter Google toilet…

Ever attempted to ‘search’ for a fat loss diet on Google? Here are 3 easy tips on what-to-do and what-not-to-do.

We all reach critical milestones in our lives, where the desire to shed some unrequired bodily heat pads comes up. Fat loss diet to the rescue! At this very moment, we tend to ponder, for a BRIEF moment, on what ‘diet’ will work for me THIS TIME? ‘Ponder’ and ‘brief’ to be taken literally please, for I have found (and this includes myself) that the thought process could take anything form a split second (as we stare at ourselves in a mirror) to the time it takes us to force ourselves into a size 12 when for that matter it should be a size 16… It may be at this point where our ego blatantly fires at us; “You fat, you need to lose weight!” and the first thing we reach for in our minds is; what is the ‘latest diet’? And where would that be found? GOOGLE… the house of all-knowing, wisdom and clarity to help enforce the correct fat loss diet choice… after all, our friends may be tired of our dieting sprees and giving us advice which we DON’T FOLLOW

Let me explain the quagmire of the Google toilet and why this could be the exact action we should NOT TAKE.

The number of results that came up when I typed into Google; “Fat loss diet” on this very day was ‘About 281 000 000 results (0,51 seconds)’ and if we wanted to lose weight (regardless if it is water, bone, muscle or tissue) we could use a different broad search, which I did, I typed “Weight loss” and got ‘About 900 000 000 results (0,70 seconds)’.

Now yes, one of the tips I can give is to be specific about your search, decide if you want to find a diet which is keto, or juicing, or paleo before searching, common sense right? Maybe not so, you may be ‘that individual’ that prayerfully takes on Google hoping, wishing, wanting ‘it’ to find the right answer for you as you are PAST KNOWING WHAT TO DO!? If this sounds right, you are truly a seasoned dieter and would not have been put off by the zeros following 281 or 900 in your search on Google.

So, I have decided to help all the prayerful types out there, desperate to have direction in diet choices, with a couple of TIPS:

Diet time?
Diet time?

1. DO PAUSE, TAKE STOCK BEFORE YOU MAKE A DECISION

Reflect for a moment on yourself. AND get out a journal – preferably old fashioned handwritten!!! Answer these questions by WRITING DOWN THE ANSWERS, why? Trust me, when you are a week into your diet and weekend arrives you will need to remind yourself why you started in the first place… Ask yourself the following questions and write down the answers:

Has this been a gradual or sudden increase in weight?
If the rush for a fat loss diet seems extreme, assess if the weight gain was sudden, it may be a health issue that needs investigating, or it may be emotions like stress, anger, grief that need resolving (for once you have forced your body to lose the fat the stress may help you put it all back on again). It may be a lack of sleep, which can result in weight gain.

What diet will fit my lifestyle?
PLEASE refrain from overhauling your lifestyle to fit your diet, rather allow your diet to fit your lifestyle as best possible. I have seen people swear on a loved one (oh dear!!) that NOW is the time that their lifestyle WILL change!! 6 months down the line they are back to their previous lifestyle, this is like trying to change your fingerprint! A good example is if you LOVE a good healthy hearty breakfast and generally scale down on food intake through the day then why chose a diet that requires fasting at breakfast as the guideline?

What is my current health status?
Yes, it has a lot to do with it. If for example, you are obese, could you take on a diet that requires vast amounts of exercise daily that may damage joints? If you lack a gallbladder, would you take on a high-fat diet without consulting a doctor? What about hormones? If you are diabetic would you be limited by a diet in which you may only eat 3 times a day causing blood sugar to be thrown out?

Why do I want to COMMIT to a diet now?
Truly reflect, is it for yourself, your family, your son or daughter, for health improvement, for fitting into clothes, for confidence? WRITE YOUR REASONS DOWN to remind yourself why you stopped eating junk, why a week down the line when a friend offers you a glass of wine you can say no confidently, without the feeling of deprivation. You NEED to remind yourself! Carry this journal with you so when you do start your diet you can use it as a reminder – trust me you will need it. If you decide to skip this step, do think for a moment, how has NOT writing this down worked out for you in the past?

Identify your GOOD and BAD habits.
These are critical. Sometimes your weight gain can purely be you have stopped moving, you may be sitting for long stretches and all you need to really do (instead of scouring Google) is start moving again. Make the list. Focus on keeping good habits in place and decide which of the bad habits you would like to boot. DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF AND CRITICIZE! My only advice is to take them on one at a time, do not try to go on diet and stop smoking simultaneously… something or someone may suffer as a result. Look, this is YOUR journey of life, only you have the choice as to how you want to live it, if it is a vibrantly healthy life you want to commit to, ditch the bad habits one at a time. The place to start; acknowledge them by writing them down and commit to a timeline that allows you to scratch them off the list.

How and what do I LIKE to eat?
This is a VERY IMPORTANT question. And, please be reasonable, you cannot expect to lose weight on a junk food diet, if that is your favorite food, which got you in a tiss when forcing on the size 12’s in the first place.

It is human to stick to what is familiar, go and read up on the basics of the Pareto principle, we generally follow the same habits that cause the results we get, we eat the same food type (20% of the choice available) 80% of the time. So why on earth will you incorporate any choices in a diet which is not familiar to your everyday choices? A good example: let us say you love fruit, it currently forms part of your daily intake, the diet you chose eliminates fruit and allows it once a week, how will you cope? Some say dieting requires SACRIFICE – that is pure deprivation in my mind and the ‘skinny bitch’ (Yup, she is there) in me screams retribution when limitations are imposed – rightly so. Truly, there are enough choices (millions in fact) that will fit your current lifestyle. There will be limitations based on dietary guidelines to ensure you lose weight but none of these limitations should cause you tohate waking up in the morning! Life is too short to add further stress to it, dieting is NOT punishment.

2. DO YOUR RESEARCH – CONFIDENTLY

After answering the questions mentioned in item 1 above, now it is time to open up Google and type in your relevant and SPECIFIC diet search.

You have spent the time understanding and clarifying why and how you need to diet besides the size 12’s. Now, after assessing that you do need to be on a diet, you can search Google for example, with the following self-determined parameters;

*limited exercise requirements (time may be an issue),

*balanced intake (gallbladder is missing and you generally eat from all food groups),

*no juicing and shakes please (I have to chew),

you can confidently start searching. You may, for example, enter the following into the search line:

‘Balanced diet’ – results: About 34 000 000 results (0,58 seconds)

Yes, it is still a massive amount to wade through, but you are now making an empowered choice, you have truly taken the power back, it is now YOU who set the parameters, these parameters can now be used to make your choice confidently, you know exactly what you LIKE and DISLIKE, what you can do to make a success of dieting rather than failing miserably.

3. YOU WERE BORN ALL KNOWING, MADE PERFECT BY PERFECT

Make perfect by perfect - no diet required?
Made perfect by perfect

Possibly my favorite thought process. My very best friend always says to me, “If you are fat, you know EXACTLY WHY you are fat, it is intuitive, you just KNOW“. And why is that? Well, I believe we are made perfect by perfect and the more we tune into our inner guidance system, the more chance we have of knowing EXACTLY the cause of our weight gain. So too, the more we tune in and draw close to our internal guidance system the more energy and love will flow UNCONDITIONALLY, not only to others but to OURSELVES!

Surprisingly, sometimes (most often) it is NOT JUST food or LACK OF EXERCISING or HEALTH issues that cause weight gain – sometimes it is purely our blocks in energy and love. Broad statement but let me explain.

Have you ever been in a stressful situation or an emotionally abusive situation or in an unloving situation? Oftentimes food is used as a protective measure OR to fill a void, for we have not necessarily learned how to love ourselves into wholeness. Sounds like oversimplification right? Not for me, the lack we feel in not ‘being enough is soul-destroying, a void is created and nature abhors a vacuum, she politely helps by filling it; food being the obvious choice. What mother has not offered a child a sweetie when the tears are flowing (yes, I know, moms these days know that is the incorrect approach, in my day however it was not so)?.

Besides lacking love, the energy blocks can hurt even more… created by unmet expectations, these little traumas are impactful. Ever needed to go for an injection and in the situation you find yourself flinching? That is an energy block explained right there… that hold, that expectation of the worst impact. Now the sad thing is, the more we hold on to that flinch status, the more we expect the worst – nothing changes and acceptance steps in. It now becomes familiar and then a reality, an energy block. How to deal with it? There are many ways, and sometimes it is a hit and miss along your personal life journey. Deepak Chopra is someone who addresses this and has an interesting article for you to start with – I will be blogging on this at some stage too. The other option is to work with your own personal ‘inner talk’ in self healing, try this link out with easy to use subliminals playing in the back ground, making use of science to do some of the work for you.

So, before you fly on to Google and search what is the best diet, decide to start loving yourself more. HOW is always a good question as many people would find that ‘selfish’, ‘self-absorbed’ or ‘egotistical’, I would say that you can only share from your own cup if it has something ‘in it’. In fact, do you recall (and I would really like to remind you!) the first time you were ‘in love’, maybe besotted with an individual, felt butterflies and confessed undying love to anyone? Or do you recall having and holding your children after they were born and feeling that ABSOLUTE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE flow through you?

YOU NEEDED NOTHING ELSE… let me say that again…

YOU NEEDED NOTHING ELSE!

My advice would be as follows, 2 tasks daily (in conjunction with your diet) to be done on your own and if you have a blessing called family, include them in one or both of the items for sure.

Firstly, start a gratitude diary – daily, write down 3 NEW gratitudes. Yes, do not repeat the same ones every day, LOOK carefully at your life, at you and note the blessings. This is something the family can get involved in. En route to school I ask both my children to verbalise their 3 gratitudes for the day and they love it. Eventually they remind me! If this seems like effort, never letting go of fat is more strenuous. Sometimes just embracing love and gratitude in your life can assist you in releasing fat!

Secondly, start FORGIVING, every day. Who must you forgive? Well, EVERYBODY, past present and future… really give this one some thought. When I started doing this, I felt there was not much forgiving to do, but there is. Look for one forgiveness a day and include YOURSELF every day.
You forgive PEOPLE and SITUATIONS past present and future – remove the bonds that exist, send them/it off to their good quickly and in peace. (Do you have to agree, approve, like the person or situation by forgiving them? Not at all, but LET THEM GO).
Forgive YOURSELF! And mean it. Now some may say that they are only kind to themselves and do not need forgiveness. Maybe so, sometimes however, when we ‘listen’ closely we will hear the negative thoughts we shower on ourselves daily – do forgive yourself regardless. You never know, you may have really hacked off someone in the traffic today!

What on earth has this got to do with our search on Google? Well, it allows us to approach a diet choice holistically, body, mind and soul. The reason why we are ONCE AGAIN searching Google for diets, IS because we possibly didn’t soul search before!!?

To end this off, a thought, I realize that sometimes we are so busy looking for the forest that we miss the trees. People worldwide are so busy searching for fat loss and weight loss, quick fixes, anything to ‘change’ [sic] ourselves that we sometimes miss the crucks of the issue. I believe that one of the primary reasons for weight gain IS self-esteem issues, lack of self-love, etc. Should we not rather start there? I decided to research it, the volume returned on the search term self-esteem: ‘About 64 700 000 results (0,64 seconds)’. This is close to 4 times fewer results than ‘fat loss’, maybe our Google search for diets should start with ‘how to love me’, embracing a healthier mind and then we can go about embracing a healthier body?

You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”- Yogi Berra

Start with love before the fat loss diet!
Start with love before the fat loss diet!
The opposite of dis|ease is only EASE.

The opposite of dis|ease is only EASE.

I have had the pleasure of a fairly deep conversation not just once but three times about how we as individuals reach for more and cope doing it. My thought process always centered around achieving absolute ‘EASE’ in my life.

Exactly 7 years ago, if you asked me what it was I wanted, most likely I would have focused on world travel, success, lots of money, big houses and flashy cars. I am now absolutely sure that my journey in life prepared me to get to the point of focusing purely on ‘ease’ – I realized that when I spent time un – eased, it lead to dis|ease, and the route I followed, had everything to do with it.

Gratitude

There exists absolute gratitude within me for getting to this point in my life. Some people may say that my desire or ambition has been cramped, well, I can say, I am now actively busy with setting up a training project which I am passionate about, I blog daily – a conversation I enjoy even if it is only with myself, work on my nutritional business, and have time with my 2 beautiful children.

For me that sounds close to fantastic, but the realization is that there is still a lot more work to be done to enable complete ease in my life.

2 Decisions made

This ease within my life was one of my conversations I had this week, we spoke of how to cope with the demands of daily life, how NOT to get anxious or worried. Firstly, make a promise to yourself to refrain from making any decisions based on fear or worry, as this changes from decisions made as a result of fear and worry about being chased by fear and worry. Secondly, prevent yourself from taking control of EVERYTHING that comes your way, sometimes you really need to let things GO AND FOLLOW YOUR GUT. If you are passionate about what you do, (there are few people my age who are fortunate to have such a blessing) then the bling and the dollars will be downstream. I have ALWAYS believed that.

If we allow our emotions to dwarf our intellect, our heart to rule our heads just for a little bit, the universe conspires to align success for you. That and a little bit of positive attitude and self-belief works wonders, a tool I subscribe to I mentioned in a previous blog regarding a positive mental diet: https://youinsideout.org/everything-and-more-not-just-enough/.

The tough part is this. We choose a journey within our greater journey, we walk it, determined to make money, to get the shiny car, (specifically a Mustang ’69, black, beautiful all road domineering car)… slowly we start becoming UNeasy, not as driven, based on the continuous work for money mentality we find ourselves in.

“Even if you win the rat race, you still a rat”

-Robert Kiyosaki

Then we convince ourselves that THIS IS THE ONLY WAY, KEEP GOING, DON’T GIVE UP! Before we know it, we end up close to 60 with a retirement plan that is not sufficient, a possible dis | ease or 2 lurking within our bodies due to stress and poor lifestyle and start wondering about that passion project we forgot about when we took the fork in the road on our journey. And to put the final nail in the coffin, we convince ourselves that we are ‘lucky‘ to have lived such a full and expressive life with our wonderful families, after all, there are people starving all over the world. – Close to broke, not being able to retire, and little to no time spent with our nearest and dearest, we cop out.

I say, live your bliss, be at EASE, make a little less money, not live in the biggest house for now, trust me if you chase love, joy, peace, fulfillment, ease and all those uplifting feelings, THE REST WILL FOLLOW! I assume that many will tell me to sniff the roses, and I DO THANK YOU, I am 100% knowledgeable of the blessings in every day and what i have to be grateful for as MANY are not as fortunate. My first 20 years of working life was a shocker when it came to smelling any roses in fact it was a bit of a stencher, and if I have learnt something from it and something which I pass on to any child who has time with me it is this.

My take on us and the simple life

  1. Be selfish, satisfy yourself first, for if you do , you WILL learn to serve many with a full cup of your own,
  2. Be a perfect expression of God’s/Universe/Source Energys breath on this planet earth as you were born perfect, made perfect by perfect to live perfect,
  3. Finally, live in ease – it is a BIG word packed in a small space, for if you live in ease and have gratitude; say thank you, you are most likely following your bliss and life is good.
ease
When passion and desire collide

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